Private Classics

Everyone must have their own private classics when it comes to masturbating, and I'm referring to the perfect porn you found five, ten, twenty years ago that still makes you hard as a rock every time. It's no wonder that some of the most venerable porn sites on the Internet are jumping on the bandwagon and offering up hits. In other words, just because it's old doesn't mean you can't get tired of sex in the kitchen, threesomes in the bedroom, and wild anal scenes in public.

When I reviewed Private.com the other day, I couldn't help but notice that their archive has not grown throughout the entire life of the website. However, it turns out that they have another website, PrivateClassics.com, where they have a vintage porn library from the 1960s to the early 1980s. It's a premium site, so you'll need to bring your wallet, but with thousands of visitors every day, you can be sure that there's more than just stale pussy for sale.

50 Years of Dirty Movies

When Americans think of the longest-running porno magazines, they tend to think of the glossy porno magazines that our fathers and grandfathers used to hide under our mattresses next to the marijuana we were told not to smoke. Playboy is royal, and Penthouse and Hustler are always top-notch, as is the disreputable uncle who catches a woman in the act. Private may not ring a bell, but European porn studios have been around for more than 50 years. Whether it's a blowjob movie or a packaged snack, such longevity is generally a sign that people love your product.

And PrivateClassics has much more to offer from its tour page. There is a five-minute preview montage at the top of the screen that allows you to see the collection all at once. From hairy beauties getting their pussies sucked, to blonde MILFs getting fucked on the beach, to slutty girls stripping down in motels, to leather-clad BDSM for perverts, there's a lot going on. Aspiring slut historians can check out the various styles of pubic hair removal that have been popular over the years, from the afro pubes of long ago to the bald beavers of more recent times.

Scroll down and you'll find screenshots, thumbnails, and a thick selection of "latest magazine and movie info." Although it says "latest," you get a vintage vibe from all of Private Classics' releases, which won't be out of place for old-school wankers who are nostalgic for porn mags with VHS cases and naked T&As on the cover. It's like visiting an old off-highway porn store. Except for the smell and the aggressive truckers vying for access to the glory hole.

What immediately impresses is the overall quality of the lesbian scenes, the big-breasted bimbos, and the classic fuckfests. Some vintage porn sites tout coarse-grained, washed-out smut. It's like taking a history class every day, but cheaper than community college and you don't have to write a damn paper.

They may be dealing with old smut, but their payment methods are as modern as the rest of the competition. Most people pay with Visa or PayPal, but crypto investors and general cybercriminals can use some of the bitcoins you're loaded with. There is also the gift card option, where you can get rid of those Starbucks cards your grandma sends you. I told her I was banned for indecent exposure the other day, but she wouldn't listen.

Vintage Chicks, with all kinds of tricks

After signing up and logging in to Private Classics, I went to see the latest scene. Throughout its long history, Private has dabbled in all kinds of kinky acts, and it shows in its latest scene. There's a first blowjob, a public lesbian scene, a bowling alley gangbang, and a foursome scene in which three dominatrixes take advantage of a submissive man. There is also anal, foot fetish, classic casting flicks, and a few DP films.

I'm a little disappointed in PrivateClassics' overall lack of structure. They don't seem to use the tags that most pay sites and free tubes use to sort their collections. Without tags, you can only search for information listed in the title or video description. Many of these movies have 2-3 sentence synopses that don't include all the fetishes and sex acts, which means it will be harder to find kinky shit you like.

Finding the full list of DPs, lesbian sequences, public squirts, etc. may be a little harder, but there's still plenty to get your dick rocking. PrivateClassics.com's official fap test is "Lynn Stone In A Futuristic Gangbang," and while Private Classics doesn't list an original release date, we're guessing it was shot in the early 2000s, based on Lynn's filmography. Let's take a look at their idea of the future.

Orgy of the Future from the Past

The 19-minute film, with its bright, colorful lighting and wild costumes, immediately calls to mind a pornographic version of the 1980 film Flash Gordon. Lynn wears strange roadkill hair, Cleopatra makeup, and a chain around her neck. She begins sucking two cocks in the opening scene, and shortly after, another face-rotting man reaches between her legs, fingers her pussy, and then licks it.

It is easy to see why this is one of the private classics. The gang bang moves along at a brisk pace and there is plenty of movement and swapping, even as the body count increases. Lynn has a very gorgeous, toned body and doesn't miss a beat with so many penises coming at her, and while it's not 4K UHD, it's clean, with no VHS degradation or sound distortion.

In this futuristic gangbang, she gets it in every hole, often all at once. The camera work is also solid.